Relationship, it takes a long time to build. But it does not take long to brake it. In fact, the cycle of failure needs no pushing; it gathers its own momentum. And once it does so, it becomes complicated to stop it or put it in reverse gear.
Nothing is more traumatic than seeing a relationship falling apart. It breeds suspicion, distrust, and distance. A couple who could not live without each other at one point in time starts finding reasons to stay away. The relationship failure is painful for both the partners. Both try to hurt each other; the more they hurt each other, the more they destroy what was once a very loving relationship.
The important thing is to stop the cycle of failure from moving on its own. This can only be done if the two partners realize what’s happening. One of them has to step forward and stop the relationship from cracking.
Often it is men who are responsible for the emerging cracks in a relationship. This happens when they are overambitious or move up the ladder. They get so obsessed with their work that they forget their spouses. The distances increase and a rift developed.
A relationship may also get affected if the man enters into another relationship. By doing so, he only makes life difficult for himself. The more he tries to hide his new relationship, the more he complicates things.
There may be several other reasons for relationship failure, but their effect invariably is the same.
Signs of Relationship Failure in Women
It needs no special skills to understand when a relationship starts turning sour. Some of the indicators are:
- Finding fault with each other.
- Stop listening to each other
- Start spending more time outside the house
- They find less and less time, and even less reason, to touch each other or reassure each other that everything is right.
- The trust breaks down.
- No satisfactory explanations are offered for coming late.
- Phone calls are not returned
- There is an attempt to hurt and wound each at the slightest possibility.
- The mutual respect that existed for each other starts shrinking.
- There are high expectations, but no give and take.
Signs of Relationship Failure in Men
The first signs of a relationship that is in trouble are:
- A man spending less time with his partner
- A sharp spurt in arguments and quarrels over inconsequential issues
- The gradual erosion of trust in each other
- A sharp drop in lovemaking and sex life
- Both start finding fault in each other.
How Can Women Save Relationship
The onus to keep a relationship rests on both the partners. One partner alone cannot save a relationship if the other is adamant of walking away. However, if the relationship is in trouble on account of misunderstandings, then surely the woman in the house can save it.
The first step is to start listening to her mate. She need not flare up or show her disapproval if she does not agree to what he has to say. Instead, she must accept at face value his statements. This is not an easy task, but the first critical step to assuage his male ego. No man wants to be treated lightly. He will start feeling more wanted if he finds that the woman he loves is not always on the warpath. The small conversations that ended up in bitterness and conflict will gradually start getting longer.
The next step is to show that you want your man to come closer to you. This can start by putting a little more passion in the peck that you give him when he leaves for work or the hug when he returns. He may surely be surprised and even a little restrained to return your new-found love, but there is no better way to close the gap than through touch. It can bridge the widest of distances that may divide a relationship.
You should simultaneously start finding fault with him. Don’t ask him to give an explanation for coming late or staying away on weekends. Take it in your stride. Wait for him to open up.
How Can Men Transform a Breaking Relationship
Men need to notice the growing signs of rift and disaffection. They cannot continue to live in their own world and allow a loving relationship to fall apart. The best is to act early and limit the damage.
This requires some introspection. The men first need to understand why the relationship has run into rough weather. Why is it that their spouse has become so touchy? Is it because they have started taking their spouses for granted? This happens in most relationships. The man gets so involved in his work that he forgets that his spouse altogether.
Things reach such a pass that a man has to make notes in his appointment diary of the lunch or dinner dates he needs to keep free for his wife. The spontaneity that first characterized their relationship vanishes. The wife has to wait for her husband to find time for her. This leads to first boredom, then anger, and then depression. In some cases, it may even force women to find another relationship that can keep them occupied. The man must act before this happens.
Give The Man Some Space
Also, give him space to unwind when he returns from work. You don’t have to rush to him and start a conversation. Every man likes some private time and space for himself. Let him avail it; let him cool down and become emotionally more ready for your light chat and banter. Avoid subjects that he thinks are frivolous; focus on issues that may interest him. Of course, don’t try to fool him in attempting to overreach yourself. Even silences are great for companionship. You can just pat his hair or hold his hand while he watches TV or hovers close around him to make him feel wanted.
Soft music and good food can make him more relaxed. Try to play the music that he likes and cook food that he loves. You should allow him to set the pace if he wants to take you to bed. Don’t push yourself on him. But let him believe that you have come to him because you wanted it.
The Cancer of Suspicion
In many cases, the relationship is torn by suspicion. The woman may have reason to believe that her man is carrying on with someone else. In some cases, it may only be suspicion. But in some cases, a flirtation can become a dangerous extra-marital relationship.
The man has to assure his wife that there is no other woman in his life. He cannot allow an extra-marital affair to come in the way of a long and happy relationship. And break off any ties that he may have developed if he has to save his relationship.
He will also have to show remorse at what he did. He will have to bend and beg forgiveness. More than that, he will have to assure his wife that this will not happen again. He will be lucky if he is forgiven. He can surely anticipate the chill to continue for some more time. It is for him to ensure that he wins his wife’s affection again.
In case the chill is the result of suspicion alone, then the man must demand an explanation. However, he should do with finesse. There is no reason why he should put his wife on the back foot. He is not settling scores or avenging a hurt. Again, he is trying to rebuild trust in the relationship. He, therefore, needs to clear the air of any misgivings that his wife may have started entertaining. At the same time, he must begin to devote more time to her.
Don’t Try to Change Your Man
You must stop trying to change your mate. This is one mistake that most spouses make. They think that their men will change if they keep after them. Nothing can be more counterproductive. Constant nagging only leads to revolt and rebellion. Also, stop blaming your mate for anything and everything that has gone wrong in the relationship. It will only make him fight back.
You must not sound or look dishonest when you are trying to salvage the relationship. And must have a full belief in what you are doing. You should gradually make him talk about why he had started moving away from you. Once again, you don’t have to push him into talking about his misgivings. You should create a situation where he wants to confess, where he intends to release the pent up feelings. This can have a magical effect on your relationship. Suddenly, the ghosts that had bedeviled your relationship will be exorcised.
Don’t Forget to Respect
No relationship can be complete unless both the partners trust each other. They also need to treat each other with respect. In fact, mutual respect is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Any man who runs his woman down can never expect the relationship to last.
The man must create space within which the woman must feel comfortable. She must not be made to feel small in front of friends or children. The man must convey his points deftly without hurting a woman’s pride. He must also listen to her with full courtesy and seriousness. This alone can save a Broken Relationship. There will be trust again and mutual faith. Try not to lose it again.